Loyalty

A friend recently asked me: “Loyalty" What does this word mean to you?
How can a man who loves women be loyal?

How can one be with a woman if he does not like women in the first place? was my first reaction. Then I wondered, what is loyalty, why do I want anyone to be loyal to me? Is this fear based? Am I afraid of being betrayed, or afraid of getting hurt, afraid that my ego will suffer or afraid to be abandoned? If I love someone, wouldn’t the real love include freedom and trust? If I trust them, then there is an expectation that they would be loyal…hmmm. I can also trust and expect that they do the best they can, really be honest with what their needs are, and with that be able to accept whatever happens.

Indeed, when there is an agreement, one would hope that both sides would keep to it, yet isn’t the agreement a base for limiting, for not setting the loved one to be free? It seems to me that only from the space of freedom comes the true will to be together to share, and to respect the others feelings, not because I have to, but because I choose to.

I can love women, appreciate them for all that they are, and not need to have every one of them, be my own. I remember when a friend that was studying with me Tibetan Buddhism asked me “how can you shoot fashion? I would go crazy seeing all these beautiful women all the time. Just walking down the streets of NY is torture”. I looked into his sweet blue eyes and replied, “Seeing such beauty walk the street in front of me, I look and enjoy. I feel gratitude that I can experience such beauty, see it and absorb, would it be better not to see them?”

I think of cultures where the woman is completely covered and wonder if this could tame my love for women, my appreciation for their beauty. Of course there is stimulation by seeing women dressed sexier, but it does not mean that I cannot control my feelings. It does not mean that the beauty I see, and love for women I have, has to come into action with every glance. A friend once said that if that were the case, (that men cannot control themselves while seeing a woman), it would be like assuming that all men are rapists to begin with, and of course this is the dramatic viewpoint.

Loyalty for me is the knowing that I would do my best to respect my partner, consider her feelings and be honest with anything that I do or need. Sharing my experience and what I go through and hope that both sides can first and foremost remember that our Love is a the basis to healthy communication, that the trust we share in the will to take care of each other, allows for more freedom and living life to its fullest.